This is a list of things that people have said. Some are funny (some are probably just funny to me) and at least one is relatively poignant. Also, this is what we call a temporary layout. Once I get my shit together, I'll fix this up nice-style.

Furthermore, there are certain of these quotes marked with an asterisk. If you're not a D&D player, you probably won't get them and you can probably skip them. Thank you.

On coupons...
Sarah: "The perforation is not a suggestion!"

On hair...
Leanne: "My mother's been completely white since she was thirty."
Mike: ::shrugs:: "My mother's been white since the day she was born."

On technology...
Dawn: "You should get one of those sensors to automatically open the door...like on Star Trek!"
Danielle: "Or at the supermarket?"

On quotes pages...
Mike: "You need some more stuff up there. Hey, Sara, say something funny."
(five seconds pass)
Sara: "...labia."

On teeth...
Græme: "THE CHEWING!"
Mike: (simultaneously) "THE CHEWING!"

On straight people...
Leanne: "It's not that I don't want to hang out with straight people. It's that there were wet girls on the bar and I wanted to leer at them."

On directions...
(Setup: We're driving to the Salem Pirate Faire, and the directions indicate that we should turn right just after the power plant. John points out a big-ass church.)
John: "There's a power plant...for religion!"

On people who suck the life out of you... *
Græme: "She's inflicting negative levels on me."

On small change...
Græme: "Here." (throws a bag of quarters to John)
John: "So we can bonk LaFours?"

On gainful employment...
Sven: "Yeah, I'm a dick. You should probably just quit."

On love...
Ducky: "We're sharing spit. That's like affection!"

On scent...
Angela: "Did you notice that New Jersey smells bad?"
Græme: "We didn't really notice. We were busy running for our lives."
Angela: "From the niggas in the cul-de-sac?"

On the evening's activities...
John: "So apparently it's veal tipping tonight?"

On location, location, location...
John: "Where's your other tattoo?"
Angela: "It's on my cooter."

On colorful euphemisms...
John: "Y'know what'd be hot shit? If you took one and left it in the oven."

On the source of a lady's distress...
Kent from Fire Emblem: "Yes, it's an inheritance dispute. Assassins everywhere."

On magical items... *
Jay: "I'm gonna ask him about the war-poker...what it is...what it does...what magics are contained therein..."

On products...
Sven: (throws a box at me) "That's a return from some shitbag."

On explanations...
Angela: "Are zombies an extenuating circumstance?"

On creative descriptions...
Some random kid to his mom, via cellphone: "We're in Silvermane. It's a warrior shop."

On antics (and a peculiar sense of humour)...
Græme: "I'm going to take a picture of the underside of my balls, blow it up 800%, and post it on Sven's door late at night."

On communicating with aliens...
Græme: "I have this mental picture of trying to pantomime with an octopus."

On private...parts...
Græme (snickering about a fake "Private Investigator" ID card): "Heh. Private."
Jay: "My dick's pretty private."
Græme : "Yeah, let's keep it that way."

On proportion...
Angela: "Maybe I'd be better at drawing shorties if I were a midget."

On faulty construction...
Græme: "The bathroom leak has reached epic proportions."

On overinflated egos...
Customer: "I'm actually a swordsman. I've got a few 500-year-old blades and a couple made by a friend of mine who's a swordsmith. I don't want anything that isn't fully functional."
Græme: "I'm sure his swords are Chinese replicas and his 'bladesmith friend' is some kid who wrapped aluminum foil around a sharp stick."

On respect for your elders... (from an IM conversation)
Græme: You dork.
Græme: :-p
Sven: some would call me a savvy salesman...
Græme: Probably. I'll stick with 'dork.'
Sven: great...glad I have your respect :'(
Græme: Oh, stop it, you big baby.

On umbrage... (taken from a post at www.gamerswithjobs.com)
Loganrapp: "Serious, serious umbrage. There will be so much umbrage you won't know what to do with it. Like the waitress shows you the plate of umbrage, and you're like, 'no thanks, I've got plenty of umbrage already.'"

On the Witches' Rede...
Diane: "You're lucky I'm a good witch or I would fuck your shit up."

On my latest cell phone ringer, the theme from Super Mario Brothers...
Sven: "It is an insidious melody."

On mockery of a (generally) stupid group...
Græme (unloading our stuff at an SCA event): "I was going to ask you what would happen if I yelled 'Hey, Sven, why'd you write "Fuck the SCA" on these bins?', but I know what'd happen. A gang of grotesquely overweight, pasty, androgynous beings would descend upon you and challenge you to a duel of honor."

On truckin'...
(Setup: We're driving on the highway, and one of those big car-transport trucks passes us.)
Græme: "Man, I've always thought you've gotta have balls to drive a tractor-trailer, but you've got to be nuts to drive one of those things."
Jay: "Yeah, especially if you drive it into an action movie."

On blood pressure...
Græme: "I've gotta go get some Dr. Scholl's to calm down."

On riddle proficiency...
Libby: "What stays whole, even if you slice it?"
Tanner: "Uh...air?"
Libby: "It's a golf ball. What, you're not good at riddles?'
Tanner: "I'm not good at golf."

On opportunity...
'Mad Bess' Blacklock: "If opportunity only knocks once, and for whatever reason, you didn't let it in, you ram the damned door down and drag it back in at gunpoint, kicking and screaming."

On freshness...
Græme: "My enjoyment of these fries would be exponentially greater, were they fresh."
Jay: (slaps me across the face with a fry): "How's that for fresh?"

On last words...
A survey question and Laura's answer follow:
Survey: "If your plane were about to crash and you could write one letter, to whom would you write it and what would it say?"
Laura:
"Dear Pilot,
Not your best work."

On secret desires...
Jay: "I'd bang Gerard Butler. Twice. But I wouldn't tell anybody about the second time."

On frustration...
Laura: "Oh, good Gods, if you start being self-deprecating I'm going to slice you in half."

On scalping...
Græme: "But we've already decided you're dead and bleeding out on your bathroom floor whilst I caper away wearing your erstwhile-lovely mane."

On culinary puns...
(Setup: Laura and I are food shopping, and I come across a can of whole white hominy.)
Græme: "Here you go, sweetie. Grits."
Laura: "Nah. Too gritty."

On self-exposure...
Græme: "Aw, it's an old Chinese man! He's gettin' the balls!"

On the sound of words...
Angela: "'Plots' sounds more devious. Also, like you just took a shit."

On being in charge...
Sven: "I validate the dickstain."

On packing...
Pat: "Sven just throws everything in the truck and goes, like the Beverly Hillbillies."

On creative put-downs...
Græme: "He's an asymmetrical pile of shit."

On freezer burn...
Angela: "Yeah, it's cool on steak...not so much on dead uncles."

On car washes employing young girls...
Angela: "We all need to indulge our inner pedophile once in awhile."
Jay: "Yeah, make sure you tell that to the judge."

On the impact of the greatest empire in human history...
Leaky: "Y'know, I studied Rome. Caesar and all those goofy people. Y'know...what makes Rome so great? Yeah, they had emperors and stuff, but...yeah, Caesar was...like, king or whatever...but...so what?"

On the fifth degree...
Angela: "I love the [Home Depot]."
Laura: "Well, Home Depot is a bad thing, in this case. It is like...fifth-degree Tool-ism."

On clever turns of phrase...
Græme: "Am I the only one who thinks referring to [Market Basket cashiers] as 'front-end personnel' is sort of like referring to someone as 'Queen of the Hobos?'"

On faerie tales...
Græme: "There's totally a chicken in the Bremen Town Musicians. They need somebody to play bass."
Laura: "He's not a chicken, he's a cock. Like you."

On infidelity...
Græme: "You have a Latina lover on the side?"
Laura: "Yeah. I like those big asses."
Græme: "That's what you've got me for!"

On profanity...
Laura: "Dropping F-bombs like my friends are Iraqi villages."

On retro, trippy board games...
Laura: "Everyone gets lost in the Lollipop Forest but me. Y'know why? Because I brought a compass and map. ...bitches."

On lack of space in public transportation...
Special Instructions section on an order: "Please ship in the smallest box possible. I take the bus."

On felony possession of software... [via IM]
Faith [work]: no, you don't understand
Faith [work]: this game holds empirical powers over me
Faith [work]: I NEED that crack!!
Faith [work]: God, listen to me. I've become a crack whore.

On sammich math... [via IM]
[14:00] Silvermane Chris: Tomato sandwich.
[14:00] Silvermane Chris: Like, bread + tomato + bread?
[14:01] Angela / Barasuishou: Close.
[14:01] Angela / Barasuishou: bread + mayo + tomato + mayo + bread.
[14:01] Angela / Barasuishou: Solve for X.

On precise hit locations...
Græme: "Oh, snap! Right in the coccyx!"
Jay: "I got hit in the Russians?"

On hidden panels... [via IM]
Laura: Do you have a wardrobe with a world hiding inside it or a book of Orin just laying around too?
Laura: Secret computer panels. That's fucking magical.

On common ailments...
Græme: "Man, that chick was pretty cute."
Jay: "What, the [Asian] one?"
Græme: "Yeah."
Jay (rolls eyes): "Don't tell me you've gots the Yellow Fever now?"
Græme: "Dude, I don't even gots the Yellow Cold."

On the lessons of the past...
Græme: "Say something witty."
Laura: "Labia."

On the trials and tribulations of customer service via telephone... [via IM]
[14:02] Faith [work]: this guy calls up, he says, "What's your name again?" I say, "Faith." He says, "Face?"
[14:02] Faith [work]: I need to get a job at Cheers.
[14:02] Faith [work]: Everybody would know my freaking name.

On chocolate... [via IM]
[16:11] Faith [work]: You know, Hershey's kisses really are little bits of happy wrapped in foil.

On delays... [via IM]
Silvermane Chris: I'm starting to wonder about this machine.
Silvermane Chris: I just waited thirty-six seconds after highlighting a file and pressing Shift-Del before the delete confirmation popped up.
Faith [work]: maybe it was saying its goodbyes